Breakdown

It's a well-known fact that you can't argue with parents no matter how wrong or wrong they are. And those who 'answer back' or defy their words would be doomed to be called 'insolent' or 'ungrateful' children.

Truth be told, I never had the intention to do that. In fact, I was never against them in the first place. But things didn't go according to plan and went downhill too fast.

It all started last night when I was in the process of packing my stuff for my preparation to university. Of course I'd procrastinate and take things slowlu. One by one. But my parent kept urging me to start packing now, and they mean everything is completely packed.

My dad asked me for the documents to be signed, which I already printed them all and had them ready to be signed and observed by him. But my mom said I should take them to be signed by the local community leader. So there was a miscommunication here.

I was stuck between these two situation. Which one should I do? Since I only need my dad's signature only a few times in my documents compared to the community leader which needed to verify every single copy of documents, I should do the latter, right?

Wrong! Terribly wrong. What kind of decision is this?! This is so wrong.

But I was too late to realize that. My mom sent my lil bro to pick up the docs and he sent them to a different community leader, the chief villager from another village close to our home. From that point, I felt like something's wrong. Something felt like off. What is it??!! All my plans were going haywire!

Nevermind, I'll devise a plan. I'll ask my bro to pick up the signed docs earlier before my dad realized everything. Right? What could possibly go wrong?

TEEEET! Wrong answer.

Turns out, dad already knew this. So he asked me why I didn't gave him the chance to see and sign first before going for the other person's verification. He said that this is going way overboard from the procedure and he kept warning me about this. Then I did a very stupid thing.

I stood up and tried to explained everything to him. About why I did it, and it's nothing wrong about it.

As you might already know, dads are men. And men are known for their egoistic traits. And men won't cope with any confrontation like listening to other voice of reasons higher than him. No. Men wouldn't accept that. When men is in a fit on anger, they won't accept everything else except their own voice of reason, no matter right or wrong. And that's exactly one of the reasons why children can't argue with parents.

He shouted my name out loud! He scolded me for standing up and voicing out my explanation! He scolded me for answering back, kept reminding me of my place as his children. Kept asking me to change. Be mature. Widen your mind.

When he said those things, it felt like I'm just a speck of dust. I felt so small to his overpowering manly voice. I felt useless. It brought me to tears. Am I being insolent to his eyes? Am I not worthy being his son? Even due to one small mistake? A flaw in his plan to help me go through this degree thing?

Gosh! I need my own voice of reason. I can't deal with this on my own.

Once he done being mad at me, I kept having this train of thoughts: about arguments that could have happen if I keep standing up to him and do the logical thing, defending myself by reasoning with him.

No, I couldn't do those things. I was like a criminal being interrogated under a dim light.

So I cried. Because I couldn't take what he just said. It's like he just dumped me, disowned me. Like I'm a stranger. Like he wanted me to leave the house immediately. I quickly packed everything, like EVERY SINGLE THING. As if I'm going to the university tomorrow.

Done with that, I went straight to bed, burying myself with the blanket and cried more, kept replaying what he just said to me in my head. No child would want to hear his/her dad said like that. It's hurtful, even to a guy like me.