I had this one account on ask.fm. It's a site where anyone can ask you any question, and the best part is you can ask questions to anyone you wish to *anonymously*. Well, who would want all the hassle and trouble in the world to make one account where you can simply drop your query via an unknown identity. You can ask anything that you want, yet your subject won't know who asked those questions.
So yeah, this evening I had a great time answering questions from my friend (well, obviously). They have been asking me to describe themselves. I did, and I did it half-honestly cause I didn't want to either drop any hints or whatnot. But yeah, that's pretty much about it.
Well, I went to my own profile page to see those questions. And I scrolled down and down and down.... just to see how many questions have I answered so far.
And I noticed a few offensive questions in which I have dealt calmly. But those questions are the living proof of a dark episode in my life.
I've told you about my experience in Seremban. Those questions came from boys back there.
The story was: I had a Youtube channel, in which I uploaded lots of videos of my friends and I fooling around, making silly jokes and lipsyncing videos. I mean,yeah it was hella fun considering we shot it on the last day of school in Form 3. So I would like to share, not to the whole world, but to my friends.
Yes, I know, I know... Why would I do that? Well, ask past me. He was full of this excitement and all (probably due to hormones) to make a name out of himself, even if the cost is to make a fool out of himself.
Now, when I was at Seremban, I laid down as I supposed to, not really mingling around with others, concealing my past. At that time, I've been listening and admiring Adele's Rolling in the Deep (despite it was a year after the song's release). A few months later, and we had our midyear break. I continued uploading those videos, and continued to promote and tell others about my channel on FB. *ughh*
And *ughhhhh...* .... I made a cover video of Adele's Rolling in the Deep.
I know. I know.
I was dumb.
Stupid.
*ughhhh....*
probably influenced by those youtube covers....
Then, school resumed. I lived my life as usual, but something strange happened. People started to call me names, sang Rolling in the Deep's chorus to me.... I was like "....errr... What's happening?" But then, I just let it slide.
But it didn't stop there. It continued for a few weeks. Every single day, and every single night, everytime I passed through that dreaded corridor, walking past their classes, and knowing they would make noises and calling my names......
What should I do? I couldn't understand what was going on. I was sure by that time, i made sure no one knew what I have done back home.
But nooo...... HELLS-to-the-NOOOOO!!!
They KNEW! THEY ALREADY KNEW!
One of my close friends back there (one of the old boys, I was the freshie there) revealed to me that the old boys, the one who stayed there longer than I was, had a *secret* FB group. Then, something caught my eyes as I scrolled down this secretive group.
THERE IT WAS. MY VIDEO! MY FACE! THEY MOCKED ME! ALL OF THEM!!
There were a few threads of comments trolling about what have I done in that video and said bad things about me.
You may have been to tumblr or reddit or whatnot - those sites where you can find lots and lots of troll comments. Yep, they did just that. Trolling and mocking whatever the fuck's sake I did in that stupid video.
I couldn't help but to scream and yell and just say 'fuck' a lot. Knowing that all this time, they were spitting my names........ I swear to God, it was the first and hopefully the last time I've been so upset about this.
They even downloaded my Youtube videos so that they can use it to blackmail me. For instance, they will bring their laptops full of my videos into my class, play it on loudly so that everyone can see and hear, while I was there sitting and minding my own business. I didn't say fuck or mock them right on their face because I simply didn't have the guts.
Pressured by these morons, how I wished that year would end fast. Apart from my declining grades and my homesickness problem, I begged my dad to transfer me back, undo the whole nightmare.
I even wrote a 3-page letter about my problem to dad, with hope that he could understand me more. But back then, he waa busy with my brother's problem. Looks like I have to endure until the end of the year.
During those times, I've been bombarded on Twitter, FB and ask.fm. Stupid questions and commentaries telling me to leave the school quickly or calling me stupid and gay and fag.
The good thing about twitter is you have a tweetlimit where if you exceeded that limit, you won't be able to tweet for an hour. Moreover, they don't store past tweets so I don't have to worry what if people go deeper into my tweets.
But in ask.fm, those questions are still there, kept reminding me of the horrible truth and the past.
I still don't know if I should delete those questions. I defended myself quite fairly. They were the one who came and attacked me.
Yes, I was a victim of mental bullying. Yes I escaped the school by the end of that year.
2012 was a horrible year for me. It was the end of my world. Day after that, I grew up scarred, bruised and damag by their attacks. Left me with one simple question: to change or not to change?
I learnt that you don't have to make a fool out of yourselves for popularity or fame, or simply so that people can cheer and be happy. They won't.
Wonder what happens to those guys? I still have a grudge with them. Forgiveness is yet to be granted to them. Not yet.
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